Grendel, The Misanthropic Dog

Gravy in Heaven for Grendel

2008-10-02T15:48:00.000-07:00

Grendel left peacefully, in the loving embrace of his guardians. He wanted all of you to know that he appreciated all the prayers and love you sent his way.

Be Loving. Accept Dogs. Do It Now.

I'm going to Have a Golden Tail!!

2008-10-02T10:19:00.000-07:00

Hi!

It's me, Grendel! I am at the Shabazz-man's place. He has been really nice to me and gave me a Great Steroid Shot that made me feel a Lot Better and made sure I had my Gravy. I have my Green Rug here in the kennel and it's nice and comfy.

But I have to tell you something. My legs don't work anymore. The Shabazz-man said they won't ever work again. But I won't need them anymore. I am going away. I am going up to Heaven to see God and St. Laika and Cub and Cassady and Zorra and Sneakaround Jones and Fluffy and all the dogs who have already gotten their Golden Tails. I'm going to wait for Mom and Da to come see me first, though, to say goodbye.

I am sad for Mom and Da, 'cause they'll miss me, but I am not sad or scared, because I know all about the Last Day. Rowan's guardian splained it so well:
“Imagine you are in the best place you’ve ever been, you feel strong and alert, you are at the top of your game. You might even be running, or just walking along the shore...” “If you look around,” she said, “you will start to see other animals, you will recognize them and maybe even stop to play with them. All your friends from the blog will be there, your fellow canine bishops will be there, and +Maya too. You’ll see Romeo and Buddy. And your human friends will be there too.” After that maybe you can see Jesus and, a’course he’s going to be all happy and laughing and everything. Jesus will definitely give us pets, I feel fairly confident of that. And Jesus’ mother will be there to welcome us to Dog Heaven. Saint Roch, Saint Francis, and MadPriest will be there too naturally and they will all play with us. I am sure one of them will have treats...”
This is a great splanation. Oh, it will be a Joyous Party! Gravy and Love and Golden Tails Galore! Rowan, I'll be waiting for you!

Peace out, Scout!

Love and Gravy and Goodbye,

Grendel

Pray for a Dog

2008-10-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Grendel took an alarming turn for the worst. Where as before only his right front paw was unstable, yesterday he was very shaky on all four legs and his right front paw was totally non-functional. He seemed quite unsettled. Last night I stayed awake with Grendel until he finally went to sleep. I took him into the vet today.

The Shabazz-man was not very comforting. He said it was not arthritis. He said that based on the configuration of the paw and the stiffness of the limb it appeared to be one of two things: an advanced tumor of the spine or some sort of degenerative spine disease. He was alarmed at the progression (we had taken Grendel in three weeks ago for his annual and there was no signficant problem besides a stiffness in the legs and the loss of a few front teeth)

Sp Grendel is spending the night at the Shabazz-man's and he will have X-rays and other diagnostics. If you are inclined to pray for a dog, pray that he remains pain-free. Pray that we have the strength to do what is needful. If you have a dog, give him love. Kiss him and tell him you love him. As Grendel would say, Do It Now!

I will keep you posted.

I'm back.

2008-09-30T14:35:00.000-07:00

Hi! It's me, Grendel!

I'm sorry I've been away. My legs have been hurting me lately so I haven't been in the InterTubes. Mom has been giving me some Special Stuff to help dogs:
It's called Glue, 'Cause I'm Eem and Can Draw Tim. The Glue helps hold your joints together. I don't know what "Eem" means but maybe it means "kindy shaky like on my legs". There's also Omigod 3. (It's not Swearing, 'cause it's medicine.)

(Mom thinks I have arthritis and I have to go see the Shabazz-man tomorrow to get Strong Medicine for it). She also built me a ramp but I will save that for later.

I have an adventure to share with you. This happened a while back. First off, I met Joe. He is a Major Dog Acceptor and and all-around Gooperson.
This is where Joe lives and Parties with the Dogs.

I had to Pass a Test to get to stay with Joe. It's called a Non-Agressive Dog Test. To make sure I don't Snouterize anyone.

Mom and Da were not sure I would pass, 'cause of the Misanthropic part. The Growlies. But I showed them! I passed with Flying Colors!

This is not a very good photo of Joe and Me.

And so I got to go to Doggy Day Care!!

All the Good Dogs Party Together! No keeping us apart in Cages.
These are my friends Angus and Cardinal Biggles.
They wanted to know if I am a Major Dog Partyer. I said, "You bet!"
Here is another view of them.

This is my friend Sir Snodgrass. He has a Pedigree. I was a little scared of him but you know, he's Just Big. Not Mean.

This is Satchmo Mushmouth and Dante. They are Big Dogs with Big Hearts. Satchmo has Gas. I stay away from his Behind Quarters.

This is Cricket. Cricket is Older than Dirt. I mean, REALLY old. Trousers rolled. I wonder if I will ever get as old as Cricket?

This is The Doodler. He can jump!!!

I went and stayed with Joe and the Party Dogs when Mom and Da had to go away for a day. It was Fun!

But I was glad to come home.

Mom made Warm Laundry Love for me. It helps with the Ache.

Well, that's it for now. I will tell you about my ramp and the visit to Shabazz-man tomorrow!!

Peace out, Scout!

Love and Gravy,

Grendel.

I has an Award Flavor

2008-08-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

The Beautified, Intellisuper, Wonderspecial Doxy has given me a Big Shiny Metal Award!

She said, "Grendel is a fine writer and theologian." I had to look up this word, but it means somebody who Thinks About God a lot. I do. And gravy, too, but there isn't a word for that yet, unless I Make It Up. How about Gravylogian? (It's not Lying, it's just Making Stuff Up.)

I am going to keep the award on top of my kennel, next to the Bottle of Gravy. It is called the Arte Y Pico Award and it means I am Snouterrific!!!!

There are these two guys, Mr. Arte (he is real Tall and wears a Hat and Sunglasses like the Blues Brothers and has one of those canes that has a compass at one end in a Secret Compartment, for espionage) and Mr. Pico (he is short and has Cool Red Converse Shoes and can juggle) and they travel through the InterTubes helping out People and giving Awards. They gave the Big Shiny Metal Award to my Dearest Doxy and she gave it to me. One of the rules is you have to thank the Two Award Guys. Thanks, Arte! Thanks, Pico!

It took me A Long Time to post this because I Needed Help with the Links and Looking up the People. I Thought about it Real Hard.

Here are the other rules:
1) Pick five blogs that you consider deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of Arte Y Pico blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award which is here: Arte Y Pico.

Here are the Five Goopersons that I want to give the Big Shiny Metal Award to:

Under There
(I accidentally called him "Underwear" but he didn't Get Mad). This guy is a Hero! He does Noble and Difficult Work and writes Wonderful Stories about it. And he Accepts Dogs and Dead Fishes. Bravo, Under There! You Rock So Very Hard!

Brian R
This is a very Eloquent (I had help with that word) and Uplifting Blog. Brian R talks about Ethical Dilemmas (more help) and Living in a place where Church People aren't always Nice, which is Tough, but he takes the Lemons and makes Gravy out of them (That is a Mixed Metaphor). He is a Librarian like Rupert Giles so you know he Kicks Serious.

Kristin
She says that she is One of God's Wayward Brats but that is Not True (sorry, Kristin). Kristin has a Very Big Heart, and I love her. Kristin is Fighting a Very Hard Fight because she Fell Down a Rabbit Hole and Got Cancer. I know she will be ok 'cause God needs her to Do Some Work, and so she will Get Healthy. Take your shoes off and laugh, Kristin, Do It Now!

God's Dog Sled
This is a look at going up to Alaska and Seeing Beauty and Spreading Love Everywhere, even if it is kind of Cold sometimes. (I looked for the Sled Dog, but did not see him, it must be a metaphor again.) I like the Pictures a lot, because they look like Poetry. It is Very Inspiring. I want to be God's Sled Dog, too, but I would like the Little Booties on the Paws if I have to walk in the cold, because I am Not Used to It. Peace out, Rev. Carol!

Father Christian Troll.
There are Scary Trolls that hang out Under the Bridges (watch out, Under There!) and some even scarier one that Hang Out in the InterTubes, but this one hangs out at St. Onuphrius Church where he Carries a Very Big Doctrinal Stick. I am a Little Scared of him, but he is Very Brave and says exactly what is on his mind. It is Performance Art. Have a Big Shiny Metal Award!

Thank you, Doxy!

I can haz Psalm?

2008-08-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

Psalm 121
(lolcat Bible translation)

1 A song to goez big up. I lookz upz at da big hillsez, I can has halps?

2 Yes I can haz halps, from Ceiling Cat, doer of Ceiling and Urf

3 He not let ur paw slipz, he not sleepz

4 Protektor of All Kittehs no sleepies no dreamies

5 Ceiling Cat ur protektor, He is ur shadows from da windowsill, He is ur right paw

6 In day, sun no make u go bai, moon not make u go bai either

7 Ceiling Cat make u safez from badness, He protektz ur invisible self

8 Celing Cat protektz ur in and ur out, forevaz

Not to Feel Sorry.

2008-08-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

My Doxy told me about a Man Doing Brave Things and I think that it is Very Important to think about how much we have and Not Feel Sorry.

His name is Underwear. That is a funny name but lots of thumb-havers have Funny Names and they all wear Grundie Undies so it's not something to be ashamed of. He takes care of People who Don't Have Homes. This is Very Important. Very Very Important!

I was homeless too until Mom and Da took me in and Sneakaround Jones lived in a culvert and Millerton Store by the side of a road but we are animals not humans. Why don't the Thumb-havers take care of their own like you are doing, Mr. Underwear? If I had 'posables I would too, and give them some of my Gravy.

Please, God, smile on Mr. Underwear and his Family and the Woman named Martha and all the people who are Under the Passes to keep them Safe and Warm and with Love. Bless him for the Hard Work that he Does, and make me grateful for all the Gravy and Warmth and Love I have.

Amen.

And make Doxy love me even more. (Is that So Wrong?)

Amen again.

FooFoo Did Not Come Home

2008-08-12T12:29:00.000-07:00

FooFoo had to go to the Vet (His name is the Shabazz-man). She went yesterday and then she went again today. She was Really Sick.
This is FooFoo Being Sick (she's on the Blanket) and Millerton Store is Looking Worried.

This morning Mom and Da were crying. They put FooFoo in the Travel Box and put her in the car. Da drove off.

But she Did Not Come Home.

I know What This Means.
I am Very Sad.

On the Road, Part 2

2008-07-27T19:53:00.001-07:00

Here I am a Hopeful Dog for Chinese Food from my Auntie Natalia:

I like Chinese food very much. (In China, they just call it Food.) Natalia didn't know that It Is Okay to give dogs Treats from Plates. I informed her. Now she is More Aware. I feel this is a Good Public Service.

This is the Demon Kat from Hell: she is very scary and attacked Mom even though Mom is a Major Cat Acceptor. (Why? I Want to Know). Doesn't she look Scary??
She sits in the Doorway and Prevents people from coming in.

Here is the Sign from the Scary Rattlesnake Rest Area in the Desert:

I was Very Careful not to step on a Rattlesnake. (That would not have a Desirable Outcome.)

This is a Giant Golf Ball. It is on a Perch. If it fell off the Perch it would roll downhill. Note how Impressive the sky is. This is Wild and Dramatic Country.

You can't see it too well but this says "Devil Dog Road". I thought it was a Good Name. I wonder who the Devil Dog was who lived here?

Soon we have to go back home to Fres-NO! I am sad. Natalie Merchant says, " Holidays must end as you know.
All is memory taken home with me: "

I will Keep these Memories and Treasure them in my Heart.

Love and Gravy,

Grendel.

On the Road, part 1

2008-07-27T18:24:00.000-07:00

So you all know that I Got To Go on the Trip to East Fresno.

There's this guy called Jack Care-a-Whack ('cause he cares a whack about Dogs and Women and something called Port Whine which I don't know what it is, why would people like to Whine? Mom says Don't Do It, not even in a Port, which is By the Sea) and he wrote a Big Long Story on a Paper Towel Roll called "On the Road" how he went off on Great Adventures and since I had Great Adventures I thought I would call it that too, 'cause I don't think Jack Care-a-Whack would care because he's dead and all that. Da calls it "homage à." But it's Mainly Pictures.

This is the Very Important Packing of the Gravy and the Food Bowl and the Boners:

Here I am getting ready to go in the car.

I am So Happy that I Get to Go!

Here I am Protectioning the Back Seat (that's my Pillow on the Seat):

Mom says that $5.19 for gas is Too Much. (I give gas for free!!!)

These are windmills. Mom says Donkey Hotee did Protectioning against them. Why? Is it because of the Birds? Why does a Donkey care about the Birds anyway? I Want to Know.

They have Very Big Chickens in Vidal Junction. This is where Vidal Sassoon lives.

These are Freaky Joshua Trees. Bono likes them.

So we get to East Fresno and I say hi to the other dogs. There is the Rat Dog Isabella (I call her Izi-smella 'cause she has a big furry butt with Dingleberries) and Cinnamon. He's Older than Dirt.

Here Izi-smella and I get treats from the Guy Who Likes Rush Limbaugh (he's not all bad). He spends an Awful Lot of Time looking in the Fridge for Stuff and Eating it. We Score Major when he does:

Here Izi-smella and Cinnamon play with the Princess.
I think it is good to Hang Out with Other Dogs so that I can Socialize and not be so Artistic. (That's Dogs who don't Interact)

Next Time I will tell about the Demon Kat from Hell and the Chinese Food.

Peace Out, Scout!

Love and Gravy,

Grendel

I get to go!!!

2008-07-21T07:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, no the suitcases are out again!

But wait, Mom says I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!

I'm going to East Fresno!! (They also call it Phoenix)
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!

Pack the Gravy, Mom!!! I get to go!

Another Gooperson gone away

2008-07-04T05:42:00.000-07:00

I want to say first of all that I Understand Why.

But I am still Sad.

Father Jake, you gave a Place for all the peoples to go and be with each other.

When Mom Got Sad about things on Sunday she could come and find out that there were other people that Thought a Different Way.

You were Snouterrific.

Thank you.

Love and Gravy and Blessings always,

Grendel

Abandoned, again.

2008-06-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

They Are Gone.

Mom and Da.
What did I Do Wrong?

Mom just got off the plane and then Left Again.

They are in France. I think dogs are Allowed to eat in Restaurants in France. Is this True?

But Dave-O is here, and I like him a lot. He works at Starbucks and takes me there. He says I am Becoming a Real Dog. (This means no Biting, Growling, or Eating Bad Things.

He Knows about Gravy because Mom told him Not to Forget.

It has been so long that I have a Very Important Story to tell:

Ophelia is GONE.

She went home to South Dakota with Chadster and the Kennenator. She got to Ride in the Car all the way. They took all her toys (except the Snuffleupagus, I Hid it.)

Mom and Da gave her a kennel so that she can have a Place to Life in South Dakota.

So Life is Very Quiet now. Just me and Dave-O. We watch TV together on the couch and I get Lots of Exercise on the walks to Starbucks. We Party with the Crazy People at the Coffee Shop (they Hang Out There.)

It's good to Talk to you again.

PS I wasn't Spozed to go to I Can Has Cheezburger, but I did anyway.

Is that So Wrong??

Gravy in Heaven

2008-04-19T15:29:00.000-07:00

I just found out that Cub has gone to Heaven. I will miss him so. I wrote this poem for him.

There is Gravy in Heaven for Cub today
His suffering is over, his pain is all gone,
But the Lonely Place on the Sofa,
The Empty Bowl in the Kitchen,
the Sadness humans feel for dogs,
Weighs on their hearts like a Lead Blanket.
The Noble Brotherhood of Dogs
joins in mourning our fallen friend
But we know, we know, we who dwell
Only for a Short Time here on earth
The Joys that wait for us above

Dear Typist, and Alpha, and Boy,
You made Cub's life a Dog's Delight
We Love you all. God's Comfort come
and help to fill the loss you feel
But soon we all will Meet again
United at the Rainbow Bridge
No sadness, sorrow anymore
And there will be Rejoicing Much
And Gravy, surely, evermore
For all of us in Heaven

Ophelia is Still Here.

2008-04-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

I wonder why. They keep talking about Putting Her in the Microwave but it Never Happens. Da calls her "Oliver" instead of "Ophelia". That is funny.

Someone bought her a Hideous Squeaky Ball and she makes it squeak ALL DAY LONG! It is torture. So I steal it and sit on it so she can't have it. Is that So Wrong?

She also has a Homunculous. This is it here. It used to squeak too but I fixed that when she wasn't looking. (Is that so wrong??)

This is me Not Sharing the Warm Laundry. Is that So Wrong?

Here I am trying to shove her into the Construction Site so that the Men With Trucks can Run Over Her. (Is that So Wrong?)

We go on Long Walks on Saturdays. This is the Best Time of All!

In spite of all her faults, I think she is kind of growing on me, though. (Is that so Wrong??)

2008-03-30T16:17:00.000-07:00

moar funny pictures

Grendel wishes you all a very holy Holy Week!

2008-03-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

He is engaged in contemplation of goodness and Gravy.

My Middle Name

2008-03-06T22:31:00.000-08:00

Dogblogger tagged me for a meme that uses your middle name.

My Middle Name is Wimsey. After Lord Peter Wimsey.

Here are the rules:

1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.

2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name).

3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person (or blogger of another species) for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.)

W is 'cause I'm Whimsical. That's why I write Poetry.

I is for Idiosyncratic. That means I March to a Different Drummer.

M is for (what else?) Misanthropic. But I am Trying.

S is for Snouterrific! Yay, Grendel!!!

E is for Eclectic. That means Donuts! Oh, wait, that's Eclairs. No, Expressive! I am I am I AM!!!!!

Y is for Yearning. I yearn for Gravy! And Love!

I tag Doxy Dear, FranIam, Diane, BlackStar, and Padre Mickey for this meme. Yay, Dogs!!! Yay, Gravy!

Ophelia's Story

2008-03-06T13:36:00.000-08:00

Da is out working on the car and mom is doing Altar Guild for the special service tonight and they left me alone with the RatDog.

We are Having a Conversation.

We are Getting to Know One Another.

Here is Ophelia's Story:

Her family thought she was Too Noisy and Needy And so they just Dumped her at the university. She thought that she must have been Very Bad. They did not have Patience for the yipping.

She ran around the campus Scared and Lonely and Cold on Thursday night until a student took her in and let her Spend the Night in the Dorm. (Shhhh!!! Don't Tell. It's Illegal.) They gave her a peanut butter sandwich, but then they had to Go To Class (That's what Students do...most of the the time.) So they let her go. Then the Nice Woman Named Kathy found her. But what to do? Put her in a professor's office!! And so Ophelia came to my mom's office. She got to eat mom's sandwich, too.

She got her name because they are Reading Hamlet in Mom's class right now. (A Hamlet is a great kind of food with both ham and eggs in it.) There is a girl in the story of Hamlet whose name is Ophelia. The name Ophelia is short for "Opheelforia." It means "Empathetic". I have heard people say this before, like when Mom says "Good Grief! I have 50 Blue Books to correct by tomorrow" and Da says, "Ah, sure! Opheelforia!"

It is a good name for this dog because she is very Empathetic. Last Night when I Got Yelled at for Getting Too Close to the Litter Box, Ophelia came up to me and gave me a Snoutal Nudge (this means, "It's ok, don't Worry about it") and I Felt Better. Maybe I was wrong to be upset about her coming here. She can't help being a Yippy RatDog, and Getting Dumped. I felt Empathetic for her. I even gave her some of my Gravy.

The Future is still Very Uncertain for this RatDog. Mom says she can stay for a While until the Discernment process is over. I don't Know what that means. All I know is that we dogs have to Stick Together and Try to Get Along, even if it is Very Hard. In spite of All our Differences. Maybe you Humans can Try It Too.

I'm just saying.

Ominous Developments at Arcadia House!

2008-03-03T22:33:00.000-08:00

The RatDog is Still Here.

Evidently the people who were spozed to take her did not come through. Ophelia almost drove me and Mom daft with her yipping today. Now, as I lie on the Bed, my Place, where I am the Only Dog, she is there. Up front. With Mom. Getting all the Attention. It's NOT FAIR!!!!!!

Dear God,
Help me not to be so selfish. Help me to understand Needy Yippy Dogs. Help me to remember when I didn't have a Home.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love...

Because this RatDog is Driving Me Crazy!!!!!!

Love and Gravy,

Grendel

I am Betrayed!

2008-03-02T20:41:00.000-08:00

They brought home a Rat Dog! I don't care if Mom rescued Her from Certain Doom. I don't care if it is Only Temporary.

Her name is Ophelia and she likes to be in Laps. She is small and black and cute and jumps a lot. She is a Threat.

Mom has been ignoring me to Take Care of the Rat Dog.

This is Not Fair.

I know I do not Go in Laps or show Much Love. But the Love is there. It's just uh, hidden.

I guess I do like Ophelia. She is Sweet and Full of Love. But This is My House. I am the Only Dog!

What if they Love Her More? What if they put me in the Garbage? Or the Microwave?????????

I am Scared.

What do I do?

So Much Love

2008-02-23T21:32:00.006-08:00

I am a Dog (I'm not a Frog). My job is to Do Protectioning (like Black Star) and to Give Love.

Do you know how much love is Out There?

A lot.

Dogs know.

Blessed Laika and Cassady in Heaven and Rowan and Jasper and Scout and Amie and Zorra and Cub and Lady Mistabel and BlackBart and Black Star know.

A Litany of Dogs throughout the ages who Give Love.

A community of Dog Acceptors who Give Love.
Mad Priest and Padre Mickey and Father Jake and Brother Causticus and My Beloved Doxy and FranIam and Alcibiades and Brian R and Diane and Paul and Clumber and Mimi and Cecilia and all the others... so much love.

So go out and Give Love. Do It Now! And Tell Me About It.

(Gravy Love is a Good Place to Start)

But Do It Now. Don't Wait.

Hmmm...

2008-02-03T12:33:00.001-08:00

moar funny pictures

I Was Good!

2008-02-02T09:18:00.001-08:00

Mom and Da had company over last night to celebrate St. Brigid's (she's a very important Saint and Dog Acceptor) and when they came I barked in the back room for a Long Time, because I wanted to Come Out. Finally mom had to bring me out because I was Driving Her Crazy.

So I got to sit on the couch but I had to wear the Leash that is Tied to the Coffee Table. I only made Nora spill her Murphy's once. And she gave me scritchings! On the Belly!

It was a Great Night.

A Sonnet for Grendel

2008-01-31T11:31:00.000-08:00

I asked the students in my Renaissance Literature class to write sonnets in either the Petrarchan or English (Shakespearean) form in order to get an idea of the strictness of the form (meter, rhyme, etc). They did a fabulous job. I said I would write one, too, and thought I would post it here. It's nowhere near as good as Grendel's efforts, but nonetheless contains a kernel of how I feel about this little four-footed paradox.

Shall I compare my Grendel to a normal hound?
He has a tail, a snout, four paws, and barks,
Aside from these no likeness can be found
To other denizens of canine parks.
His misanthropic nature is quite clear:
He hates all humans equally as strong,
And little children run away in fear
When this four-footed terror comes along.
His repertoire of tricks is quite diverse
He sits, and shakes, and dies upon command;
His dietary habits, quite perverse:
He’ll eat most any poop upon the ground.
If Man’s Best Friend he’ll clearly never be,
Though yet I love him-paradoxic’ly.

I'm not sure I like this.

2008-01-30T21:11:00.001-08:00

You Are: 50% Dog, 50% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog.
You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful.
And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

Are You More Cat or Dog?

Giving up for Lent

2008-01-29T21:21:00.001-08:00

I love Gravy. It smells Rich and Brown and Good and tastes Meaty Special. Maybe I love Gravy Too Much. I know humans give Stuff Up for Lent. Should I give Gravy up for Lent?

Does God want Dogs to Sacrifice, too? Will it Make Me Holy? Do dogs Sin? I know I eat Poop and Growl and Snap, but What About My Soul?

I don't know! I want to Be in Heaven. ('Cause Doxy will be there, I know, 'cause she's Holy and a Righteous Babe)

Tell me What You Think.

Yes: Grendel Gives Up Gravy For Lent.
No: Grendel Gets Gravy.

Poor Grendel!

2008-01-27T20:47:00.000-08:00

He thinks I have been ignoring him and not allowing him to blog as much as usual. Well, I have been a bit preoccupied of late, what with events in Hanford and this rotten bronchial stuff that has been going around, but just remember: the gravy has been delivered, kisses administered, the dog walks continue apace, and he's gotten to hang out on the couch a lot more than usual.

So I have assured him that he will be able to visit his friends more frequently in the coming days (especially his beloved Doxy, for whom he has insisted I empty his penny jar, something about a Valentine's Day gift???)

So my apologies to you, Friends of Grendel, for keeping him incommunicado. I'll try to do better. And Doxy, be warned. I hope you like drugstore candy.

Aghaveagh

2008-01-18T09:43:00.000-08:00

The Recipe For grendel

3 parts Gravy
2 parts Coffee
1 part Crunchy Bits

Splash of Grouchiness
Stir with a LitterBox Treat

Drink it quick before anyone can take it away from you!!

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

A Very Nice Meme

2008-01-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

Rowan, who is the Best Dog Ever, tagged me! Hooray! Yippee!

I am Very Happy!

So, here goes:

- Link to the person that tagged you. (done)
- Post the rules on your blog. (done)
- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (done)
- Tag six people and at the end of your post, link to their blogs. (done)
- Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. (I am doing that now)

Six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself:

1. I am Scared of Stairs. Especially the open kind made of cement.

2. I am going to ask Doxy for a Date on Valentine's Day. I hope she will say "Yes!"

3. I will eat Anything. Especially Poop.

4. I Bite my Butt when I am Uncertain.

5. I like Warm Laundry right out of the dryer.

6. My favorite show is Iron Chef. I like the way the Chairman says, "Allez Cuisine!"

I am working on the six people(or dogs) part, but I think all my favorite people got chosen. So If you read this, you are tagged!

I Heart MadPriest

2008-01-10T22:34:00.000-08:00

Wow, MadPriest visited me! I am so honored. I want to know if I can ask him a few questions.

1. What is the Best thing about being a Priest?

Answer: When you wear a dog-collar (you'll understand this) you can talk to anybody anywhere without them thinking you're a nutter. In England this is a rare privilege and it makes life so much more enjoyable.

But I have a Dog Collar! It is Red. And I do not want to talk to Anyone! But I understand about the Nutter part. Mom is a Nutter.

2. How do you manage to Do all the Stuff you do on the computer? How many hours do you spend on the computer every day? Don't you have to Go To The Bathroom?

Answer: I only sleep for 4 or 5 hours a night and I'm very well organised. My computer is set up to do most of the work for me.

But it does not go to the Bathroom for you, does it? Do you Go on the Floor?

3. What is your favorite food? Drink?

Answer: Sausages. Beer.

Yep. My Mom too. She never met a sausage (banger) or a beer (especially IPA and stout) that she did not love. Heck, she even loves SPAM!

4. You Obviously Accept Dogs. Can you tell me about your dogs?

Answer: For 35 years I've been training people to look after their dogs properly. I have 3 dogs and no children so you can guess what position they have in my life. I will have to do something more in depth about my dogs on my blog.

Oh, you have to. Think of how many people would Accept Dogs if you Told Them To. You got people to give over 10,000 Smackaroonies to Some Place South!! 'Cause Leonardo Di Caprio told you to!

5. If I came and visited you, would you Give Me Gravy?

Now this is true. Yesterday I bought an enormous, new stock-pot in the January sales so, YES, lots of gravy and gravy for all (with bits).

God Love ye, Mad Priest!

Love, Grendel

My Friend Cub

2008-01-08T19:40:00.000-08:00

My Friend Cub has had a Hard Time Lately.

I have been praying hard for her. She almost had to have an Operation. But she didn't have to, although she Got Woozy.

She gets Egg Love the same way I get Gravy Love. (Except the Eggs are Scrammeled). Her mom and dad (they are called the Typist and the Alpha) Take Really Good Care of her.

She has a problem with her Liver. Mom says that English people are obsessed with their livers. Mad Priest, is that right?

Cub, I hope you Feel Better. A Cosmic Woof of Love in your Direction!

I am rescued. Finally.

2008-01-07T20:01:00.000-08:00

So they finally came to pick me up. Almost two weeks with RatDogs that wear clothes is Too Much.

But the Humans were nice to me. Mom explained about the Gravy, so they knew. And they took me to the Groomer's and I Did Not Bite. Now I smell not so Bad as Before.

I got a stocking for Christmas, and more Gravy. But I missed Mom. She was in East Fresno, called Philadelphia. I suppose I missed Dad too, but not aas much.

I made sure they knew that I was Mad about being Abandoned. I did NOT sleep Under the Covers like usual. I slept at the End of the Bed. That will Show Them.

I guess the RatDogs were not All That Bad.

I think I Miss Them.

I have been Blessed!

2007-12-27T21:51:00.000-08:00

My very good friend Scout has given me a Blessing! And so I pass it on...

+++

Here is the story of the Blessing:

"The idea… it’s a game of tag with a difference, rather than looking inwardly, we look outside ourselves and bless, praise and pray for one blog friend. By participating in this endeavour we not only make the recipient of the blessing feel valued and appreciated, but we are having some fun too. We’re going to see how far the bloggin’ blessings can travel around the world and how many people can be blessed! Recipients of a bloggin’ blessing may upload the above image to their sidebar if they choose to. If you receive a bloggin’ blessin’ please leave a comment on this thread here so that we can rejoice in just how many blessings have been sent around the world!"

Scout blessed me, and now I want to pass the blessing on to three people:

To Doxy Dear,
I bless you.
May God smile upon you and take away all stress and strain. May he give you the Joy that you give others, tenfold. And may the Cosmic Woof of Love resonate in your heart Forever.
Amen!

To Alcibiades,
I bless you. May God give you the Peace that Passes all Understanding. May he still all the Voices that may trouble you. May you continue to prove a Bold Witness through your Eloquence.
Amen

To MadPriest,
I bless you. You always say what you Think is Right. You give Dogs and Dog Acceptors a Place to Go. St. Laika is helping to Prepare a Place for you in Heaven...but not for a Long Long time.

Scout has a new blog!!!

2007-12-26T14:08:00.001-08:00

It is Snouterrific! Go see it now. I Mean It. Right Now. Here is the link.

Peace out, Scout!

A Haiku

2007-12-25T18:29:00.001-08:00

Rain falls like Gravy
Gravy that falls in My Plate
God is very Good.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T17:44:00.000-08:00

Doxy, these pictures are for you!

Can you see the same deeply embarrassed look in both these photos? Merry Christmas anyway!

I am ABANDONED! (well, sort of)

2007-12-24T06:49:00.000-08:00

I knew something was up when Dan the Man comes by. He only comes by when mom and dad are Going Away. [Once I went to Dan the Man's House and he had a RatDog named Kookoori or some such tripe. It was fun to stay there, but I was very glad when mom came back.]

But then Dan the Man went away and I thought it was going to be OK.

Then Mom and I went out the Back Door. This is unusual and often means A RIDE!

At the end of the ride we were at Dan the Man's House! And we went in the House! Oh, no. This is Not Optimal.

And now they had more than one RatDog!! There were TWO RatDogs and one Normal Dog. The RatDogs had clothes on, which is Not Normal For A Dog.

Mom brought all my stuff into the house, including my kennel and the Gravy Bottles. Uh-oh. I know what this means. She was going to Abandon Me. And So She Did.

I was not so sure how Things Would Go. It was Exciting to see the RatDogs and the Normal Dog, but did Dan the Man understand about The Gravy? And would mom come back ever?

Well, now it's Christmas Eve, and I miss mom and dad. But I have been getting Gravy. And it is fun to be with the other dogs, even though all the dogs have to wear Funny Hats. Here is a picture of one of them: tomorrow I will post another!

I send love to All Dogs and All Dog-Acceptors. Merry Christmas!! May you all have Lots of Gravy!

My Friends Stop By

2007-12-21T13:24:00.000-08:00

Hi, Everybody! I Want to Say thanks to all the great Dogs and Dog Acceptors who are Stopping By. I send you all the Cosmic Woof of Love!

I am glad you came by.

Diane, why did Scout eat the soap? Was he trying to clean up his act? If he let a Stinkie after he ate the soap, would it come out as a Soap Bubble? I want to Know.

My mom also has Intense Feelings about Food because she was very poor when she was little and had to eat Horrible Things.

Scout,
Just Do It. Don't wait for your mom to do the blog. Don't let the Lack of 'Posables stop you! You have Good Things to Say.

Doxy Dear,
Life with you and Jasper must be Snouterrific! Joy, Love, Parties, Juju, Marley, Ivy, and Visits! Can I come visit? I'll be Good, I Promise. No Growlies. I'll Party with the Other Animals.

Amie,
I am Afraid to Ask, but What Happened to Zorra? Do you do the Protectioning now that she is gone? Why don't you have your Own Blog? I will go visit you over there.

DogBlogger,

Thank you for telling me about FrostyPaws. I have asked Santa to Bring Me Some....do you like it?

And now my questions for you (for both Dogs and Dog Acceptors):

1. What do you want the most for Christmas?

2. What is your New Year's Resolution?

Peace out, Scout!

My Doxy

2007-12-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

My Doxy's very Busy.
She's Got No Time to read
Got Better Things to do
And so she's going to Stop

I guess that it's ok
But I will Miss Her So
She's really Awful Nice
and Easy on the Eyes.

I don't know What to Do
I have to Let It Out
I may just have to Bite
the mailman when he comes

And it will be your fault.

A Koan

2007-12-18T21:07:00.000-08:00

Is Frozen Gravy Ice Cream?
Or is Ice Cream Frozen Gravy?

2007-12-14T10:23:00.001-08:00

I just couldn't help MysElf.

Eggs

2007-12-12T22:25:00.000-08:00

My New Friend, BlackStar

2007-12-07T08:05:00.000-08:00

This is my New Friend, BlackStar. He is a Hero Dog. He does Protectioning and just had a Very Scary Incident. You can read about it here.

What I like Most about him is that he is a Very Special Kind of Dog: A Nova Scotia Seal-Dog. I don't remember seeing that kind on the chart in Doctor Shabazzman's office, but that just means it's Very Rare. And he's awful Shiny. They must give him Lots of Gravy.

You can see in this picture how Seal-like in Form and Function he is:

I bet he can be very Wiggly.

Bitumen Puppy

2007-12-07T07:45:00.000-08:00

Mom says I am a "Bitumen Puppy." I don't know what "Bitumen" means, but she says it has something to do with the Growling. And the Snarling. I got Really Mad the other night because they tried to make me Get Off The Bed. I didn't want to Get Off The Bed. I wanted to stay and Throw Up on the bed. Is that So Wrong?

It's Simple: Just let me DO What I Want and nobody Gets Hurt.

I Get Interviewed by Rowan!!!!!!

2007-11-17T18:01:00.000-08:00

I Got Confused (Mom says Greedy) and asked Rowan to Interview me Too. I hope that is Ok--if not, I am Very Sorry, but I really like his Questions too!!!!! So here I go:

Dear Poet Lauret Grendel,

I am so happy that you want to be interviewed by me. I have tried my best to think up some real good questions for you. Here they are:

Misanthropic is a really big word. I had to ask my guardian what it means. This is a two parter: 1) How did you learn such a big human word and 2) how come you don't like the humans?

Mom told me about the word. She Knows Greek. When they first got me I Growled All The Time. And Snarled. It was because I was Mistreated by a man with a Motorcycle. And so I did not know what Real Love was, only Mean Love. It is not so Bad now but I will never be Completely OK.

Can you talk more about the Cosmic Woof of Love and the Dance of Happiness? I think I might like to try those out sometime.

The Cosmic Woof of Love is when everything is Okay and you Feel that the Universe is one Big Woof with all Dogs Accepted and Fed. It is Unity with All Dogs and Dog Acceptors.

The Dance of Happiness is when your Rear End just Wiggles with Joy--it Can't Help it!!!!! So Much Happiness that it just can't stay still!

When you are not composing poetry, what's your favorite hobby? (Don't say napping because that, of course, is number one for all us dogs.)

I like to lick my mom's legs. It is weird, I know, but There You Go.

Besides writing poetry, do you have any other jobs?

No, mom says "my function is pretty much Ornamental."

Which is better toys or treats? Explain your answer.

Treats. Cause you can eat them! I don't have much truck with toys.

I love you Grendel and I think you are a real swell dog. Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed by me. I'll be checking by your blog to see your answers.

Love,

Rowan

I love you too Rowan and I am sorry that I Got Greedy,

Grendel.

Peace out, Scout!

I Need Help, I think.

2007-11-17T17:50:00.000-08:00

You Are 100% Misanthropic

You are a Misanthropic Dog. All the Gravy In The World will Not Help.
It is a Wonder that your Humans Put Up With You!!!!

How Misanthropic Are You?

My Interview

2007-11-17T17:18:00.000-08:00

Maggie sent me questions for the Interview!! I am So Excited!! I am Going to Be Famous!!!
Here they are and What I said About them:

1. How did you come to live with your person?

I was with the Nice Lady at The Farm who accepts dogs with No Families and takes care of them until People Adopt them. We went to PetSmart to Get Adopted and saw mom and dad who were buying cat food. Mom had Cancer and spent most of the weekend In Bed with KeeMo, so they got me to be with Mom In Bed until she Got Better. (She did)

2. What is the best time you ever had?

I went to Phoenix, Arizona (That is in East Fresno) to see my Aunt and Uncle and the Yip Dog. (Her name is Isabella) I got to Play with the Yip Dog. We Broke Down on the way and stayed in the Hotel. Wow it was fun!!!

Mom said we Dropped a Tranny. That was because we drove the GreaseCar and not the Hybrid.

3. If you could meet any famous dog who would it be and why?

Laika, the Brave Brave Dog, and it would be to Rescue her. I would take her home and we would Have Gravy together.

4. What is your favorite treat?

Oh, boy, I love Pizza Crust!! When mom and dad get the BellyBuster Pizza from the Pizza Is Love store, they save the crusts for me (sometimes dad eats them)...and Gravy, but that is not a Treat, that is Crucial.

5. This is my favorite question, I ask it of all my subjects (but I owe it to Tipper who asked me), how do you like to begin and end your day?

I begin my day In Bed Under the Covers by mom's feet. I Think about Things and Make Up Poems. Then dad brings mom Coffee and me Yogurt to eat so I Don't Eat Poop. (It Doesn't Work but I like it). I know it is Time to Go Out when I hear the Dish on the Floor. Then we Go for a Walk.

At Night I am also In Bed while they Read Books. Dad goes to Sleep First then mom. I Think about Things Some More. Then I sleep too. I know I am lucky. God Loves me a lot and I love him. I wish I could be Nicer.

Thank you So Much for interviewing me, Maggie!! It was so much Fun!!! If you are a dog or EVEN a cat, I could interview you, too, 'cause there Are Rules. Let me know.

Dog Prayer

2007-11-08T21:24:00.000-08:00

Rowan says:

I start and end my day with prayer. Sometimes I stretch pray, sometimes I run and jump pray, sometimes I snuggle pray. It’s all prayer.

He's right. It's all prayer. My favorite prayer is the Cosmic Woof of Love Prayer. Second is the Happiness Dance Prayer.

I am Traumatized. Again.

2007-11-08T17:17:00.000-08:00

Mom says I got Too Fragrant. So I had to Get A Bath. It was Horrible.

First off, I had to wear The Muzzle:Then I Got Drenched:
Then I Got Dried:

Then I got Wrapped in a Blanket warmed in the Dryer:

I Feel Slightly Better Now.

Happy Birthday to Mom!

2007-11-04T20:14:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my mom's Birthday and so I have saved up all my money to buy her a Present, what I think she will Like Best. And if she doesn't want it I can have it!

(Dad had to help because I don't Have Any Posables)

Here is a Picture of it:

Gravy Is Love.

Laika, the Brave Brave Dog.

2007-11-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

Laika was a Brave, Brave Dog.
They sent her into Space.
They didn't want to Bring Her Back
And so they Left her There.

I know that she was Not Alone
That God was Up There With Her
He towed her Spacecraft to his Throne
and now they Sit Together.

What is a "Gooperson"?

2007-10-28T17:43:00.001-07:00

A Gooperson is the opposite of a Baperson.

Gooperson is a special kind of Dog Acceptor.

It is like the first drink of cold water after the long hot walk.

It is like the sound that the doorknob makes when mom walks in from work.

It is like burrowing into the laundry warm from the dryer.

It is the feeling of lying on your back with all four paws in the air, knowing you are safe.

That's "Gooperson".

Catching Up

2007-10-28T17:37:00.001-07:00

mom is At School, even though it is Sunday. She is Catching Up. I tried to go in with her once on the Weekend but there are stairs, and I didn't want to go up them. So we went into the Box Room and it went up. I didn't like it. I stay home now.

I hope mom comes home soon. I hope she Catches Up.

Gravy Love: a Poem

2007-10-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

Which is better,
Love or Gravy?
It is hard to choose between.

If I had to
Choose between them
I'd take Gravy over Love

Gravy comes
out of the Bottle
and it makes the Food Taste Good

Love is sometimes
not as Easy
Even when you Think you Should

I Go to the Vet (But I am O.K.)

2007-10-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

Not to worry, I am OK. But I had to go for a Bunch of Things.

I was very excited yesterday when mom put on the leash and took me out the back door. (That is Unusual. It usually means a ride! Yay!)

At first I think it is Just a Ride in the Car.

But, uh-oh. It's the Vet!!!

Our Vet's name is the Shabazz-Man. He takes care of me and the six cats. Mom and dad go to a different Vet.

I love Cassandra. She helps out the Shabazz-Man. She is always smiling and is a Major Dog Acceptor.

Here is the Shabazz-Man getting ready to stick a Big Needle in me. You can't see my face but I am Scared.

Why is the Shabazz-Man so happy? I am not happy.

Thye have to put the muzzle on me at this point because I Start Misbehaving.

Besides the Shots I also got my drewclaws clipped and Things Looked At and Listened To. That part was Not So Bad. (oh, mom says it is Dew Claws)

The Bad Part is over and now I am waiting for mom to pay and to get Paperwork that says I can go to the Dog Trainer and Doggie DayCare without any problems. Mom says that based on how good I was at the Blessing that it Might Be OK for me to interact more with other dogs. Dad is not so sure. (What does "In a pig's Eye" mean??)

This dog was Next Door to the Vet. Her name is Roxie. She has a Koi Pond. (That means fish.)

Then we went home again.

At the moment, I Feel Traumatized. But now I am Better...

People Who Accept Dogs

2007-10-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

are very good. Lots of people Don't Accept Dogs. My mom says there must be Something Wrong with Those People. I think so too.

I know that Padre Mickey Accepts Dogs. So does Mad Priest, although I am a little scared of him. I think Grandmère Mimi does, too.

And of course, Lindy and Diane. They are Major Dog Acceptors.

The Pound: a poem

2007-10-16T22:31:00.000-07:00

Ugly Butt-Puppy
in the Pound
Wants his Mother
to Lick Him.

Here I go!

2007-10-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

I'm here. Grendel the Dog.

I hope Rowan will interview me. He's great and goes swimming.

I make poems because I have aches inside and the poems help.

Hi, I'm Grendel

2007-10-14T14:37:00.000-07:00

and this is my blog.