Thursday, January 31, 2008

A Sonnet for Grendel

I asked the students in my Renaissance Literature class to write sonnets in either the Petrarchan or English (Shakespearean) form in order to get an idea of the strictness of the form (meter, rhyme, etc). They did a fabulous job. I said I would write one, too, and thought I would post it here. It's nowhere near as good as Grendel's efforts, but nonetheless contains a kernel of how I feel about this little four-footed paradox.

Shall I compare my Grendel to a normal hound?
He has a tail, a snout, four paws, and barks,
Aside from these no likeness can be found
To other denizens of canine parks.
His misanthropic nature is quite clear:
He hates all humans equally as strong,
And little children run away in fear
When this four-footed terror comes along.
His repertoire of tricks is quite diverse
He sits, and shakes, and dies upon command;
His dietary habits, quite perverse:
He’ll eat most any poop upon the ground.
If Man’s Best Friend he’ll clearly never be,
Though yet I love him-paradoxic’ly.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I'm not sure I like this.

You Are: 50% Dog, 50% Cat

You are a nice blend of cat and dog.
You're playful but not too needy. And you're friendly but careful.
And while you have your moody moments, you're too happy to stay upset for long.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Giving up for Lent

I love Gravy. It smells Rich and Brown and Good and tastes Meaty Special. Maybe I love Gravy Too Much. I know humans give Stuff Up for Lent. Should I give Gravy up for Lent?

Does God want Dogs to Sacrifice, too? Will it Make Me Holy? Do dogs Sin? I know I eat Poop and Growl and Snap, but What About My Soul?

I don't know! I want to Be in Heaven. ('Cause Doxy will be there, I know, 'cause she's Holy and a Righteous Babe)

Tell me What You Think.

Yes: Grendel Gives Up Gravy For Lent.
No: Grendel Gets Gravy.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Poor Grendel!

He thinks I have been ignoring him and not allowing him to blog as much as usual. Well, I have been a bit preoccupied of late, what with events in Hanford and this rotten bronchial stuff that has been going around, but just remember: the gravy has been delivered, kisses administered, the dog walks continue apace, and he's gotten to hang out on the couch a lot more than usual.

So I have assured him that he will be able to visit his friends more frequently in the coming days (especially his beloved Doxy, for whom he has insisted I empty his penny jar, something about a Valentine's Day gift???)

So my apologies to you, Friends of Grendel, for keeping him incommunicado. I'll try to do better. And Doxy, be warned. I hope you like drugstore candy.


Friday, January 18, 2008

The Recipe For grendel

3 parts Gravy
2 parts Coffee
1 part Crunchy Bits

Splash of Grouchiness
Stir with a LitterBox Treat

Drink it quick before anyone can take it away from you!!

Friday, January 11, 2008

A Very Nice Meme

Rowan, who is the Best Dog Ever, tagged me! Hooray! Yippee!

I am Very Happy!

So, here goes:

- Link to the person that tagged you. (done)
- Post the rules on your blog. (done)
- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (done)
- Tag six people and at the end of your post, link to their blogs. (done)
- Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. (I am doing that now)

Six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself:

1. I am Scared of Stairs. Especially the open kind made of cement.

2. I am going to ask Doxy for a Date on Valentine's Day. I hope she will say "Yes!"

3. I will eat Anything. Especially Poop.

4. I Bite my Butt when I am Uncertain.

5. I like Warm Laundry right out of the dryer.

6. My favorite show is Iron Chef. I like the way the Chairman says, "Allez Cuisine!"

I am working on the six people(or dogs) part, but I think all my favorite people got chosen. So If you read this, you are tagged!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I Heart MadPriest

Wow, MadPriest visited me! I am so honored. I want to know if I can ask him a few questions.

1. What is the Best thing about being a Priest?

Answer: When you wear a dog-collar (you'll understand this) you can talk to anybody anywhere without them thinking you're a nutter. In England this is a rare privilege and it makes life so much more enjoyable.

But I have a Dog Collar! It is Red. And I do not want to talk to Anyone! But I understand about the Nutter part. Mom is a Nutter.

2. How do you manage to Do all the Stuff you do on the computer? How many hours do you spend on the computer every day? Don't you have to Go To The Bathroom?

Answer: I only sleep for 4 or 5 hours a night and I'm very well organised. My computer is set up to do most of the work for me.

But it does not go to the Bathroom for you, does it? Do you Go on the Floor?

3. What is your favorite food? Drink?

Answer: Sausages. Beer.

Yep. My Mom too. She never met a sausage (banger) or a beer (especially IPA and stout) that she did not love. Heck, she even loves SPAM!

4. You Obviously Accept Dogs. Can you tell me about your dogs?

Answer: For 35 years I've been training people to look after their dogs properly. I have 3 dogs and no children so you can guess what position they have in my life. I will have to do something more in depth about my dogs on my blog.

Oh, you have to. Think of how many people would Accept Dogs if you Told Them To. You got people to give over 10,000 Smackaroonies to Some Place South!! 'Cause Leonardo Di Caprio told you to!

5. If I came and visited you, would you Give Me Gravy?

Now this is true. Yesterday I bought an enormous, new stock-pot in the January sales so, YES, lots of gravy and gravy for all (with bits).

God Love ye, Mad Priest!

Love, Grendel

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

My Friend Cub

My Friend Cub has had a Hard Time Lately.

I have been praying hard for her. She almost had to have an Operation. But she didn't have to, although she Got Woozy.

She gets Egg Love the same way I get Gravy Love. (Except the Eggs are Scrammeled). Her mom and dad (they are called the Typist and the Alpha) Take Really Good Care of her.

She has a problem with her Liver. Mom says that English people are obsessed with their livers. Mad Priest, is that right?

Cub, I hope you Feel Better. A Cosmic Woof of Love in your Direction!

Monday, January 7, 2008

I am rescued. Finally.

So they finally came to pick me up. Almost two weeks with RatDogs that wear clothes is Too Much.

But the Humans were nice to me. Mom explained about the Gravy, so they knew. And they took me to the Groomer's and I Did Not Bite. Now I smell not so Bad as Before.

I got a stocking for Christmas, and more Gravy. But I missed Mom. She was in East Fresno, called Philadelphia. I suppose I missed Dad too, but not aas much.

I made sure they knew that I was Mad about being Abandoned. I did NOT sleep Under the Covers like usual. I slept at the End of the Bed. That will Show Them.

I guess the RatDogs were not All That Bad.

I think I Miss Them.