Thursday, October 2, 2008
It's me, Grendel! I am at the Shabazz-man's place. He has been really nice to me and gave me a Great Steroid Shot that made me feel a Lot Better and made sure I had my Gravy. I have my Green Rug here in the kennel and it's nice and comfy.
But I have to tell you something. My legs don't work anymore. The Shabazz-man said they won't ever work again. But I won't need them anymore. I am going away. I am going up to Heaven to see God and St. Laika and Cub and Cassady and Zorra and Sneakaround Jones and Fluffy and all the dogs who have already gotten their Golden Tails. I'm going to wait for Mom and Da to come see me first, though, to say goodbye.
I am sad for Mom and Da, 'cause they'll miss me, but I am not sad or scared, because I know all about the Last Day. Rowan's guardian splained it so well:
“Imagine you are in the best place you’ve ever been, you feel strong and alert, you are at the top of your game. You might even be running, or just walking along the shore...” “If you look around,” she said, “you will start to see other animals, you will recognize them and maybe even stop to play with them. All your friends from the blog will be there, your fellow canine bishops will be there, and +Maya too. You’ll see Romeo and Buddy. And your human friends will be there too.” After that maybe you can see Jesus and, a’course he’s going to be all happy and laughing and everything. Jesus will definitely give us pets, I feel fairly confident of that. And Jesus’ mother will be there to welcome us to Dog Heaven. Saint Roch, Saint Francis, and MadPriest will be there too naturally and they will all play with us. I am sure one of them will have treats...”
This is a great splanation. Oh, it will be a Joyous Party! Gravy and Love and Golden Tails Galore! Rowan, I'll be waiting for you!
Peace out, Scout!
Love and Gravy and Goodbye,
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Shabazz-man was not very comforting. He said it was not arthritis. He said that based on the configuration of the paw and the stiffness of the limb it appeared to be one of two things: an advanced tumor of the spine or some sort of degenerative spine disease. He was alarmed at the progression (we had taken Grendel in three weeks ago for his annual and there was no signficant problem besides a stiffness in the legs and the loss of a few front teeth)
Sp Grendel is spending the night at the Shabazz-man's and he will have X-rays and other diagnostics. If you are inclined to pray for a dog, pray that he remains pain-free. Pray that we have the strength to do what is needful. If you have a dog, give him love. Kiss him and tell him you love him. As Grendel would say, Do It Now!
I will keep you posted.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I'm sorry I've been away. My legs have been hurting me lately so I haven't been in the InterTubes. Mom has been giving me some Special Stuff to help dogs:
It's called Glue, 'Cause I'm Eem and Can Draw Tim. The Glue helps hold your joints together. I don't know what "Eem" means but maybe it means "kindy shaky like on my legs". There's also Omigod 3. (It's not Swearing, 'cause it's medicine.)
(Mom thinks I have arthritis and I have to go see the Shabazz-man tomorrow to get Strong Medicine for it). She also built me a ramp but I will save that for later.
I have an adventure to share with you. This happened a while back. First off, I met Joe. He is a Major Dog Acceptor and and all-around Gooperson.
This is where Joe lives and Parties with the Dogs.
I had to Pass a Test to get to stay with Joe. It's called a Non-Agressive Dog Test. To make sure I don't Snouterize anyone.
Mom and Da were not sure I would pass, 'cause of the Misanthropic part. The Growlies. But I showed them! I passed with Flying Colors!
This is not a very good photo of Joe and Me.
And so I got to go to Doggy Day Care!!
All the Good Dogs Party Together! No keeping us apart in Cages.
These are my friends Angus and Cardinal Biggles.
They wanted to know if I am a Major Dog Partyer. I said, "You bet!"
Here is another view of them.
This is my friend Sir Snodgrass. He has a Pedigree. I was a little scared of him but you know, he's Just Big. Not Mean.
This is Satchmo Mushmouth and Dante. They are Big Dogs with Big Hearts. Satchmo has Gas. I stay away from his Behind Quarters.
This is Cricket. Cricket is Older than Dirt. I mean, REALLY old. Trousers rolled. I wonder if I will ever get as old as Cricket?
This is The Doodler. He can jump!!!
I went and stayed with Joe and the Party Dogs when Mom and Da had to go away for a day. It was Fun!
But I was glad to come home.
Mom made Warm Laundry Love for me. It helps with the Ache.
Well, that's it for now. I will tell you about my ramp and the visit to Shabazz-man tomorrow!!
Peace out, Scout!
Love and Gravy,
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The Beautified, Intellisuper, Wonderspecial Doxy has given me a Big Shiny Metal Award!
She said, "Grendel is a fine writer and theologian." I had to look up this word, but it means somebody who Thinks About God a lot. I do. And gravy, too, but there isn't a word for that yet, unless I Make It Up. How about Gravylogian? (It's not Lying, it's just Making Stuff Up.)
I am going to keep the award on top of my kennel, next to the Bottle of Gravy. It is called the Arte Y Pico Award and it means I am Snouterrific!!!!
There are these two guys, Mr. Arte (he is real Tall and wears a Hat and Sunglasses like the Blues Brothers and has one of those canes that has a compass at one end in a Secret Compartment, for espionage) and Mr. Pico (he is short and has Cool Red Converse Shoes and can juggle) and they travel through the InterTubes helping out People and giving Awards. They gave the Big Shiny Metal Award to my Dearest Doxy and she gave it to me. One of the rules is you have to thank the Two Award Guys. Thanks, Arte! Thanks, Pico!
It took me A Long Time to post this because I Needed Help with the Links and Looking up the People. I Thought about it Real Hard.
Here are the other rules:
1) Pick five blogs that you consider deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of Arte Y Pico blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award which is here: Arte Y Pico.
Here are the Five Goopersons that I want to give the Big Shiny Metal Award to:
(I accidentally called him "Underwear" but he didn't Get Mad). This guy is a Hero! He does Noble and Difficult Work and writes Wonderful Stories about it. And he Accepts Dogs and Dead Fishes. Bravo, Under There! You Rock So Very Hard!
This is a very Eloquent (I had help with that word) and Uplifting Blog. Brian R talks about Ethical Dilemmas (more help) and Living in a place where Church People aren't always Nice, which is Tough, but he takes the Lemons and makes Gravy out of them (That is a Mixed Metaphor). He is a Librarian like Rupert Giles so you know he Kicks Serious.
She says that she is One of God's Wayward Brats but that is Not True (sorry, Kristin). Kristin has a Very Big Heart, and I love her. Kristin is Fighting a Very Hard Fight because she Fell Down a Rabbit Hole and Got Cancer. I know she will be ok 'cause God needs her to Do Some Work, and so she will Get Healthy. Take your shoes off and laugh, Kristin, Do It Now!
God's Dog Sled
This is a look at going up to Alaska and Seeing Beauty and Spreading Love Everywhere, even if it is kind of Cold sometimes. (I looked for the Sled Dog, but did not see him, it must be a metaphor again.) I like the Pictures a lot, because they look like Poetry. It is Very Inspiring. I want to be God's Sled Dog, too, but I would like the Little Booties on the Paws if I have to walk in the cold, because I am Not Used to It. Peace out, Rev. Carol!
Father Christian Troll.
There are Scary Trolls that hang out Under the Bridges (watch out, Under There!) and some even scarier one that Hang Out in the InterTubes, but this one hangs out at St. Onuphrius Church where he Carries a Very Big Doctrinal Stick. I am a Little Scared of him, but he is Very Brave and says exactly what is on his mind. It is Performance Art. Have a Big Shiny Metal Award!
Thank you, Doxy!
Friday, August 15, 2008
(lolcat Bible translation)
1 A song to goez big up. I lookz upz at da big hillsez, I can has halps?
2 Yes I can haz halps, from Ceiling Cat, doer of Ceiling and Urf
3 He not let ur paw slipz, he not sleepz
4 Protektor of All Kittehs no sleepies no dreamies
5 Ceiling Cat ur protektor, He is ur shadows from da windowsill, He is ur right paw
6 In day, sun no make u go bai, moon not make u go bai either
7 Ceiling Cat make u safez from badness, He protektz ur invisible self
8 Celing Cat protektz ur in and ur out, forevaz
Thursday, August 14, 2008
His name is Underwear. That is a funny name but lots of thumb-havers have Funny Names and they all wear Grundie Undies so it's not something to be ashamed of. He takes care of People who Don't Have Homes. This is Very Important. Very Very Important!
I was homeless too until Mom and Da took me in and Sneakaround Jones lived in a culvert and Millerton Store by the side of a road but we are animals not humans. Why don't the Thumb-havers take care of their own like you are doing, Mr. Underwear? If I had 'posables I would too, and give them some of my Gravy.
Please, God, smile on Mr. Underwear and his Family and the Woman named Martha and all the people who are Under the Passes to keep them Safe and Warm and with Love. Bless him for the Hard Work that he Does, and make me grateful for all the Gravy and Warmth and Love I have.
And make Doxy love me even more. (Is that So Wrong?)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
This is FooFoo Being Sick (she's on the Blanket) and Millerton Store is Looking Worried.
This morning Mom and Da were crying. They put FooFoo in the Travel Box and put her in the car. Da drove off.
But she Did Not Come Home.
I know What This Means.
I am Very Sad.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
I like Chinese food very much. (In China, they just call it Food.) Natalia didn't know that It Is Okay to give dogs Treats from Plates. I informed her. Now she is More Aware. I feel this is a Good Public Service.
This is the Demon Kat from Hell: she is very scary and attacked Mom even though Mom is a Major Cat Acceptor. (Why? I Want to Know). Doesn't she look Scary??
She sits in the Doorway and Prevents people from coming in.
Here is the Sign from the Scary Rattlesnake Rest Area in the Desert:
I was Very Careful not to step on a Rattlesnake. (That would not have a Desirable Outcome.)
This is a Giant Golf Ball. It is on a Perch. If it fell off the Perch it would roll downhill. Note how Impressive the sky is. This is Wild and Dramatic Country.
You can't see it too well but this says "Devil Dog Road". I thought it was a Good Name. I wonder who the Devil Dog was who lived here?
Soon we have to go back home to Fres-NO! I am sad. Natalie Merchant says, " Holidays must end as you know.
All is memory taken home with me: "
I will Keep these Memories and Treasure them in my Heart.
Love and Gravy,
There's this guy called Jack Care-a-Whack ('cause he cares a whack about Dogs and Women and something called Port Whine which I don't know what it is, why would people like to Whine? Mom says Don't Do It, not even in a Port, which is By the Sea) and he wrote a Big Long Story on a Paper Towel Roll called "On the Road" how he went off on Great Adventures and since I had Great Adventures I thought I would call it that too, 'cause I don't think Jack Care-a-Whack would care because he's dead and all that. Da calls it "homage à." But it's Mainly Pictures.
This is the Very Important Packing of the Gravy and the Food Bowl and the Boners:
Here I am getting ready to go in the car.
I am So Happy that I Get to Go!
Here I am Protectioning the Back Seat (that's my Pillow on the Seat):
Mom says that $5.19 for gas is Too Much. (I give gas for free!!!)
These are windmills. Mom says Donkey Hotee did Protectioning against them. Why? Is it because of the Birds? Why does a Donkey care about the Birds anyway? I Want to Know.
They have Very Big Chickens in Vidal Junction. This is where Vidal Sassoon lives.
These are Freaky Joshua Trees. Bono likes them.
So we get to East Fresno and I say hi to the other dogs. There is the Rat Dog Isabella (I call her Izi-smella 'cause she has a big furry butt with Dingleberries) and Cinnamon. He's Older than Dirt.
Here Izi-smella and I get treats from the Guy Who Likes Rush Limbaugh (he's not all bad). He spends an Awful Lot of Time looking in the Fridge for Stuff and Eating it. We Score Major when he does:
Here Izi-smella and Cinnamon play with the Princess.
I think it is good to Hang Out with Other Dogs so that I can Socialize and not be so Artistic. (That's Dogs who don't Interact)
Next Time I will tell about the Demon Kat from Hell and the Chinese Food.
Peace Out, Scout!
Love and Gravy,
Monday, July 21, 2008
But wait, Mom says I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
I'm going to East Fresno!! (They also call it Phoenix)
I get to go!
I get to go!
I get to go!
Pack the Gravy, Mom!!! I get to go!
Friday, July 4, 2008
But I am still Sad.
Father Jake, you gave a Place for all the peoples to go and be with each other.
When Mom Got Sad about things on Sunday she could come and find out that there were other people that Thought a Different Way.
You were Snouterrific.
Love and Gravy and Blessings always,
Monday, June 30, 2008
Mom and Da.
What did I Do Wrong?
Mom just got off the plane and then Left Again.
They are in France. I think dogs are Allowed to eat in Restaurants in France. Is this True?
But Dave-O is here, and I like him a lot. He works at Starbucks and takes me there. He says I am Becoming a Real Dog. (This means no Biting, Growling, or Eating Bad Things.
He Knows about Gravy because Mom told him Not to Forget.
It has been so long that I have a Very Important Story to tell:
Ophelia is GONE.
She went home to South Dakota with Chadster and the Kennenator. She got to Ride in the Car all the way. They took all her toys (except the Snuffleupagus, I Hid it.)
Mom and Da gave her a kennel so that she can have a Place to Life in South Dakota.
So Life is Very Quiet now. Just me and Dave-O. We watch TV together on the couch and I get Lots of Exercise on the walks to Starbucks. We Party with the Crazy People at the Coffee Shop (they Hang Out There.)
It's good to Talk to you again.
PS I wasn't Spozed to go to I Can Has Cheezburger, but I did anyway.
Is that So Wrong??
Saturday, April 19, 2008
His suffering is over, his pain is all gone,
But the Lonely Place on the Sofa,
The Empty Bowl in the Kitchen,
the Sadness humans feel for dogs,
Weighs on their hearts like a Lead Blanket.
The Noble Brotherhood of Dogs
joins in mourning our fallen friend
But we know, we know, we who dwell
Only for a Short Time here on earth
The Joys that wait for us above
Dear Typist, and Alpha, and Boy,
You made Cub's life a Dog's Delight
We Love you all. God's Comfort come
and help to fill the loss you feel
But soon we all will Meet again
United at the Rainbow Bridge
No sadness, sorrow anymore
And there will be Rejoicing Much
And Gravy, surely, evermore
For all of us in Heaven
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I wonder why. They keep talking about Putting Her in the Microwave but it Never Happens. Da calls her "Oliver" instead of "Ophelia". That is funny.
Someone bought her a Hideous Squeaky Ball and she makes it squeak ALL DAY LONG! It is torture. So I steal it and sit on it so she can't have it. Is that So Wrong?
She also has a Homunculous. This is it here. It used to squeak too but I fixed that when she wasn't looking. (Is that so wrong??)
This is me Not Sharing the Warm Laundry. Is that So Wrong?
Here I am trying to shove her into the Construction Site so that the Men With Trucks can Run Over Her. (Is that So Wrong?)
We go on Long Walks on Saturdays. This is the Best Time of All!
In spite of all her faults, I think she is kind of growing on me, though. (Is that so Wrong??)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Dogblogger tagged me for a meme that uses your middle name.
My Middle Name is Wimsey. After Lord Peter Wimsey.
Here are the rules:
1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.
2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name).
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person (or blogger of another species) for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.)
W is 'cause I'm Whimsical. That's why I write Poetry.I is for Idiosyncratic. That means I March to a Different Drummer.
M is for (what else?) Misanthropic. But I am Trying.
S is for Snouterrific! Yay, Grendel!!!
E is for Eclectic. That means Donuts! Oh, wait, that's Eclairs. No, Expressive! I am I am I AM!!!!!
Y is for Yearning. I yearn for Gravy! And Love!
I tag Doxy Dear, FranIam, Diane, BlackStar, and Padre Mickey for this meme. Yay, Dogs!!! Yay, Gravy!
Da is out working on the car and mom is doing Altar Guild for the special service tonight and they left me alone with the RatDog.
We are Having a Conversation.
We are Getting to Know One Another.
Here is Ophelia's Story:
Her family thought she was Too Noisy and Needy And so they just Dumped her at the university. She thought that she must have been Very Bad. They did not have Patience for the yipping.
She ran around the campus Scared and Lonely and Cold on Thursday night until a student took her in and let her Spend the Night in the Dorm. (Shhhh!!! Don't Tell. It's Illegal.) They gave her a peanut butter sandwich, but then they had to Go To Class (That's what Students do...most of the the time.) So they let her go. Then the Nice Woman Named Kathy found her. But what to do? Put her in a professor's office!! And so Ophelia came to my mom's office. She got to eat mom's sandwich, too.
She got her name because they are Reading Hamlet in Mom's class right now. (A Hamlet is a great kind of food with both ham and eggs in it.) There is a girl in the story of Hamlet whose name is Ophelia. The name Ophelia is short for "Opheelforia." It means "Empathetic". I have heard people say this before, like when Mom says "Good Grief! I have 50 Blue Books to correct by tomorrow" and Da says, "Ah, sure! Opheelforia!"
It is a good name for this dog because she is very Empathetic. Last Night when I Got Yelled at for Getting Too Close to the Litter Box, Ophelia came up to me and gave me a Snoutal Nudge (this means, "It's ok, don't Worry about it") and I Felt Better. Maybe I was wrong to be upset about her coming here. She can't help being a Yippy RatDog, and Getting Dumped. I felt Empathetic for her. I even gave her some of my Gravy.
The Future is still Very Uncertain for this RatDog. Mom says she can stay for a While until the Discernment process is over. I don't Know what that means. All I know is that we dogs have to Stick Together and Try to Get Along, even if it is Very Hard. In spite of All our Differences. Maybe you Humans can Try It Too.
I'm just saying.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Evidently the people who were spozed to take her did not come through. Ophelia almost drove me and Mom daft with her yipping today. Now, as I lie on the Bed, my Place, where I am the Only Dog, she is there. Up front. With Mom. Getting all the Attention. It's NOT FAIR!!!!!!
Help me not to be so selfish. Help me to understand Needy Yippy Dogs. Help me to remember when I didn't have a Home.
- O Divine Master,
- grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
- to be understood, as to understand;
- to be loved, as to love...
Love and Gravy,
Sunday, March 2, 2008
They brought home a Rat Dog! I don't care if Mom rescued Her from Certain Doom. I don't care if it is Only Temporary.
Her name is Ophelia and she likes to be in Laps. She is small and black and cute and jumps a lot. She is a Threat.
Mom has been ignoring me to Take Care of the Rat Dog.
This is Not Fair.
I know I do not Go in Laps or show Much Love. But the Love is there. It's just uh, hidden.
I guess I do like Ophelia. She is Sweet and Full of Love. But This is My House. I am the Only Dog!
What if they Love Her More? What if they put me in the Garbage? Or the Microwave?????????
I am Scared.
What do I do?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
I am a Dog (I'm not a Frog). My job is to Do Protectioning (like Black Star) and to Give Love.
Do you know how much love is Out There?
Blessed Laika and Cassady in Heaven and Rowan and Jasper and Scout and Amie and Zorra and Cub and Lady Mistabel and BlackBart and Black Star know.
A Litany of Dogs throughout the ages who Give Love.
A community of Dog Acceptors who Give Love.
Mad Priest and Padre Mickey and Father Jake and Brother Causticus and My Beloved Doxy and FranIam and Alcibiades and Brian R and Diane and Paul and Clumber and Mimi and Cecilia and all the others... so much love.
So go out and Give Love. Do It Now! And Tell Me About It.
(Gravy Love is a Good Place to Start)
But Do It Now. Don't Wait.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
So I got to sit on the couch but I had to wear the Leash that is Tied to the Coffee Table. I only made Nora spill her Murphy's once. And she gave me scritchings! On the Belly!
It was a Great Night.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Shall I compare my Grendel to a normal hound?
He has a tail, a snout, four paws, and barks,
Aside from these no likeness can be found
To other denizens of canine parks.
His misanthropic nature is quite clear:
He hates all humans equally as strong,
And little children run away in fear
When this four-footed terror comes along.
His repertoire of tricks is quite diverse
He sits, and shakes, and dies upon command;
His dietary habits, quite perverse:
He’ll eat most any poop upon the ground.
If Man’s Best Friend he’ll clearly never be,
Though yet I love him-paradoxic’ly.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Does God want Dogs to Sacrifice, too? Will it Make Me Holy? Do dogs Sin? I know I eat Poop and Growl and Snap, but What About My Soul?
I don't know! I want to Be in Heaven. ('Cause Doxy will be there, I know, 'cause she's Holy and a Righteous Babe)
Tell me What You Think.
Yes: Grendel Gives Up Gravy For Lent.
No: Grendel Gets Gravy.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
So I have assured him that he will be able to visit his friends more frequently in the coming days (especially his beloved Doxy, for whom he has insisted I empty his penny jar, something about a Valentine's Day gift???)
So my apologies to you, Friends of Grendel, for keeping him incommunicado. I'll try to do better. And Doxy, be warned. I hope you like drugstore candy.